Spirit of Independence

In Spite of His Challenges
 
This has been a long, long, winter up here in the PNW, and Bob has come down with a serious case of cabin fever. Every day that the sun would shine he would ask me if it was cold outside.

Translation: Can I go out???

But since those clear days are usually cold (8 degrees and below) the answer was - no. Bob is very sensitive to temperature and if he gets cold his muscles get tight, rigid and painful.Finally we began to hit the 50's and he has petitioned to go out every day he can.

At first I was a little apprehensive, because he is so vulnerable. Ever since he got the first scooter he has booked it to any place he can get to in 20 mins or less. Even down to the local Mall. He was always loaded down with technology (after all this is Bob). his last scooter had lights all over it, including a strobe light, a flag, a GPS and his cell phone.
 
But now he has a new wheelchair and we haven't figured out how to install all of that on it yet. Also last year we had an incident very nearby that resulted in the death of an older gentleman. So at first I confined him to the property Where I could monitor him with the cameras scattered around the place. It was kind of funny seeing him out the with his chair tilted back so he could catch the warmth of the Sun. Then he offered to go across the street to get a much needed item from the drug store. The following day he managed to convince me to let him go to Costco (again just across the street) where he ate his way through the Warehouse.
 
And so it goes, his wandering spirit can not be kept down.
 
Always a Wanderer
 
Bob has always been a wanderer.
 
If we were on our way to  social event and we came to an intersection he would usually turn the opposite direction from where our destination lay. Used to drive me nuts.
 
When we sailed our boat thru the San Juan Islands he would get into the kayak and disappear for HOURS. I finally got him a hand held marine radio, so what does he do??? I am relaxing on our boat, reading a book and thinking about getting ready to start dinner when I hear over the radio:
"Luck O' The Irish,
 Luck O' The Irish,
 Luck O' The Irish,
This is Serious Business, do you copy?"
We were anchored in a bay on Shaw Island and he was calling me from Friday Harbor on San Juan Island, the Island across the San Juan Channel, the Island that is on a major Washington Ferry route. He says he needed some foot powder.
 
The first time we ever boarded one of those ferries to go to Victoria BC he disappeared for 2 hours. He had been invited down into the engine room.
 
Finally we agreed he could go and explore with a three hour time limit. When he returned I would accompany him and he could show me the highlights (I'm more destination oriented)
 
May His Spirits Never Be Crushed
 
As long as I can, no matter how hard, I will always try to support his desire to be independent and adventurous. That doesn't mean I won't have some restrictions for safety reasons. He wanted to go to Home Depot, so last Sunday we got out the scooter and with him in his chair, me on the scooter and the doglette on a leash (and later in my lap) we "motored" to Home Depot. Along the way we were saluted by three bikers, waved at by folks we knew and the dog grinned back when they pointed at her and laughed.
 
If we can, next Fourth of July we are going to do the Hiawatha Trail all the way to the end as last time we started too late in the day and only made it part way before going back up. It's good to have goals, things to look forward to.  Bob reminds me of the song from "Paint Your Wagon"
 
"When I get to Heaven tie me to a tree
'cause if I get to wanderin you know where I will be"

 Bob and our Kayak "Serious Business"


 


Canoeing on the Hood Canal

On his way to the Mall



On the Hiawatha Trail 

Flashback

One Sunday afternoon Bob and I were indulging in a low key day by hanging out on our beds watching TV, occasional conversations, the doglette laying at our feet. Some of the conversations were mundane, some funny and some were of a more somber tone.
 
February and some of March had been two very tough months for us. Bob had been rushed to the ER twice and admitted to the hospital each time. The second time was due to a choking incident.
 
Rabbit Trail-
 
The Choking Incident:
Bob had fallen asleep while eating lunch, in doing so he sucked down two large pieces of un-chewed chicken that became lodged in his throat. I attempted a Heimlich maneuver but it was almost impossible to do. Especially if you have never had to do it for real before,you are panicked, your husband is disabled and lying in a hospital bed. Fortunately he could still breathe but that could have changed instantly as the culprits were poised on the edge of disaster.
 
The Paramedics were called, he was loaded up and rushed to the ER. From there things began to escalate. The ER cold not remove it, so he was sent to the Endo unit to retrieve it with "tools. Long story short, they had some challenges getting it out and everything got really exciting for a bit and he had to spend the night in ICU with a tube down his throat to keep the swelling at bay.
 
Back to the lazy Sunday-
 
There were a lot of things that we needed to talk about and one of those things was how this disease was progressing and more specifically what we thought, how we felt and what we believed about the fact that his time on earth is coming to a close. It's a hard thing to face that you could have a year, some months or a few moments left. We have been together for 35 years, we are best friends, our biggest fans. We encourage and cheer each other on, if we could be that little old couple in our 90's found in bed holding hands as we passed into Glory that's who we would be. But that's not what is going to happen and so we talk, in fits and bits. Telling each other how much we love each other, speculating what we can expect when we take that step into heaven, agreeing to meet at the Sheep Gate.
 
As I gazed at his so very dear face, I had a flashback to a time not so long ago of the Bob I have almost forgotten. The one I knew before the precious man laying in this bed who is now so dependent on me.
 
The Flashback-
 
In my mind's eye was the Bob who always wore a black Greek hat, twinkling brown eyes and a mischievous cheeky grin, laughing at some bit of nonsense that only we knew. He also wore his signature plaid Levi's shirt, blue jeans that for some reason made him look more like a geek than a cowboy, not just because of the Navy Corforms on his feet, or maybe those 70's harness boots. He stood there in my mind laughing, full of life and zest and beckoning me to join him on the latest adventure. And I knew god was reminding me of who was going to meet me at the Sheep Gate. He wanted to remind me of who Bob had been to me for so  long before this disease started to take him from me bit by bit. And I cried. I miss him. The relationship and time that we have right now is precious and we are probably closer that we have ever been, but oh if I could have my partner in crime back.....
 

                       Thank you God for reminding me of the whole Bob, the one who will be waiting for me at the Sheep's Gate.