Flashback

One Sunday afternoon Bob and I were indulging in a low key day by hanging out on our beds watching TV, occasional conversations, the doglette laying at our feet. Some of the conversations were mundane, some funny and some were of a more somber tone.
 
February and some of March had been two very tough months for us. Bob had been rushed to the ER twice and admitted to the hospital each time. The second time was due to a choking incident.
 
Rabbit Trail-
 
The Choking Incident:
Bob had fallen asleep while eating lunch, in doing so he sucked down two large pieces of un-chewed chicken that became lodged in his throat. I attempted a Heimlich maneuver but it was almost impossible to do. Especially if you have never had to do it for real before,you are panicked, your husband is disabled and lying in a hospital bed. Fortunately he could still breathe but that could have changed instantly as the culprits were poised on the edge of disaster.
 
The Paramedics were called, he was loaded up and rushed to the ER. From there things began to escalate. The ER cold not remove it, so he was sent to the Endo unit to retrieve it with "tools. Long story short, they had some challenges getting it out and everything got really exciting for a bit and he had to spend the night in ICU with a tube down his throat to keep the swelling at bay.
 
Back to the lazy Sunday-
 
There were a lot of things that we needed to talk about and one of those things was how this disease was progressing and more specifically what we thought, how we felt and what we believed about the fact that his time on earth is coming to a close. It's a hard thing to face that you could have a year, some months or a few moments left. We have been together for 35 years, we are best friends, our biggest fans. We encourage and cheer each other on, if we could be that little old couple in our 90's found in bed holding hands as we passed into Glory that's who we would be. But that's not what is going to happen and so we talk, in fits and bits. Telling each other how much we love each other, speculating what we can expect when we take that step into heaven, agreeing to meet at the Sheep Gate.
 
As I gazed at his so very dear face, I had a flashback to a time not so long ago of the Bob I have almost forgotten. The one I knew before the precious man laying in this bed who is now so dependent on me.
 
The Flashback-
 
In my mind's eye was the Bob who always wore a black Greek hat, twinkling brown eyes and a mischievous cheeky grin, laughing at some bit of nonsense that only we knew. He also wore his signature plaid Levi's shirt, blue jeans that for some reason made him look more like a geek than a cowboy, not just because of the Navy Corforms on his feet, or maybe those 70's harness boots. He stood there in my mind laughing, full of life and zest and beckoning me to join him on the latest adventure. And I knew god was reminding me of who was going to meet me at the Sheep Gate. He wanted to remind me of who Bob had been to me for so  long before this disease started to take him from me bit by bit. And I cried. I miss him. The relationship and time that we have right now is precious and we are probably closer that we have ever been, but oh if I could have my partner in crime back.....
 

                       Thank you God for reminding me of the whole Bob, the one who will be waiting for me at the Sheep's Gate.